Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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