R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
