my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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