Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
