im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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