i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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