i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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