how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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