i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
