Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
