it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
