I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
