I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
