I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
