You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
