how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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