I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
