you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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