apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
