When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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