The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
