mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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