Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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