i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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