I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
