I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
