Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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