Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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