my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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