did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
