You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
