So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
