she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
