she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
