sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
