cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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