Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize