I will die if light touches me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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