Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
