yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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