Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
