and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
