I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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