I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
