I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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