The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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