I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
