Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
