I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
