just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
