drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
