dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
