I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
