Dual....:-)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
