Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
