Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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