i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
