i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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