I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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