Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
